Bring Back What Once Was Mine
by LexiXLover3
Summary: When Kaidan gets a message in the middle of the night from Anderson, he never could have anticipated how his world would turn upside down. Can he and Shepard get back what they lost. Maybe more. Will upload new chapter once a week (if possible) on Thursday's.
1. Chapter 1

Fire all around, Shepard; where is she? As I rounded the corner there she was, standing at the terminal in the mess.

"Distress beacon ready for launch." She says, the commander persona in full effect.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" panic creeping its way into my voice.

With a profound confidence Shepard answers,"The Alliance won't abandon us, they'll be here."

She throws me a fire extinguisher and I attempt to clear the way.

"Joker is still up in the cockpit, he won't leave and neither will I."

She pauses and then pushes past me, "I need you to get everyone to the evac shuttles, I'll get Joker."

"Commander!" I yell out as she stubbles back when the Normandy shutters from another blast.

"Kaidan, GO… NOW!" she commands with a voice of finality.

"Aye, Aye"

I wake up in a cold sweat. It was just a dream,_ Lexi is still alive, Lexi is still alive,_I keep telling myself over and over again.

After our encounter on Horizon, I have been reliving that terrible day every night in my dreams .I had received a message from Lexi a few days ago saying that she would be heading through the Omega 4 Relay. She wrote that she loves me and always would and that she was sorry for everything that happened if she didn't return.

My stomach felt empty after reading it. In my mind there is still one question left, Will she come back? As I look over at my clock it read, 4 am.

"URGH" _might as well get up_.

My Omni tool suddenly goes off and it's a message from Anderson.

Kaidan,

You need to get to docking bay 421, fast. It's Shepard.

D. Anderson

I feel a cold chill run up my whatever clothing I could find and stumbling out the door i thank god the Wards were empty this time of the night.

I made it to the docking bay in record time. Anderson was already there waiting, but he was not alone.

Next to him were 2 medical staff with a gurney, and duffle bags full of medical supplies.

"What is it Anderson? Is she here yet?" I manage to huff out as I come running onto the platform.

"No not yet , but she will be any minute." He replied quietly. This is when I finally get a good look at him. He was pale, pace and wringing his hands. These were not typical actions of Councillor Anderson.

"Anderson, what is wrong?" urgency seeping into my voice.

He stopped pacing, turning to me and sighed.

"Joker sent word that they made it through the Omega relay, but they were in pretty bad shape. He told me that the Normandy would barely make the jump. Next thing I knew there was screaming unlike anything I have ever heard." he hung his head and began pacing again while rubbing his forehead.

"Anderson what exactly are you saying," unable to keep the panic from my voice.

He activated his Omnitool and played the recording. At first I heard Joker giving Anderson the rundown of the mission and then he was saying the ground team was back, as the door opened all I could hear was this bone chilling screaming. A women with an Australian accent was yelling orders. The one line I heard clearly was "_Shepard is down. Get me Chakwas, NOW!_"

It was like my body had been put into a stasis field. _No Shepard. Not again. I need you._ I just shut my eyes and clench my fists.

" How bad Anderson?" My question scarcely above a whisper

Silence was my answer.

"HOW BAD?" My voice deafening int he silence.

All I got in return was a quietly murmured, "Bad".

And so the waiting game began.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As we stand and wait for the Normandy, there is nothing but a tense silence. I can hear the ticking of my wrist watch counting the seconds, which felt like hours. Suddenly a VI breaks the silence alerting us that the Normandy had arrived. Anderson and I step forward to watch as an extremely damaged Normandy limps its way into the docking bay. We all rush forward as the Decon cycle is finishing. Once the doors open its a sea of red.

Chakwas and Miranda are working quickly while kneeling on the floor and between them is a writhing mass covered in blood. That mass is Shepard in only her under armour suit, or rather what is left of it; blood is pouring from points all over her body, but primarily her abdomen.

"Shepard, stay with me," pleads Miranda as Shepard convulses and takes to a violent shaking fit which appears to be a seizure.

"Damn it, get me that gurney," Chakwas orders. "Miranda pass me the paddles, we need to regulate her heart"

Without looking up Miranda grabs the paddles from beside her and mechanically hands them to Chakwas.

"Clear"

Shepard's body arches with the shock of the paddles. The med team pushes past with the gurney and assist Miranda and Chakwas in getting Shepard on the gurney.

Anderson and I just stand there unsure of what to do. Miranda and the med team rush out the doors so quick Anderson and I have to jump out of the way. I almost go to follow but Chakwas notices us and makes her way over . She turns to me with a weary smile,

"Go with her Kaidan. She`ll need you more than ever now. They are taking her to Huarta Memorial"

I gave Chakwas and Anderson a quick nod and race off to catch up with the med team.

I ran as fast as i could and I caught up to them as they rushed into the elevator, I came right up by Shepard's side and took her blood soaked hand. Miranda gave me a stern look but said nothing.

Over and over again I would whisper,

`Lexi, I'm right here .Stay with me, Please``.

When we reached the hospital, i jogged with the gurney still holding Shepards hand. As we approached the emergency room, a hand hit my chest forcing me to stop at the door, a nurse with a sympathetic look spoke, "Sir , you need to stay out here. You will be updated as often as we can" and then she turned and rushed through the operating suite doors.

I brushed my clean hand through my hair and looked around. Everything was a sterile white. There were chairs against the wall so I went to sit down and put my head in my hands not caring about the blood coving one of i could think was that , _I should have been there with her. Maybe I could have….oh I don't know, prevented it from happening, showed her how much I truly cared and not have been such a dick to her. Yeah that is defiantly something I should have done from the start. If I had been there maybe, just maybe, I could have protected her. I could have done my job. No not protect her as her lieutenant, but as her other half, her lover, HER protector. Instead I let Cerberus of all things do it and look where it got me. _

I`m not sure how long I had sat there, but I started to hear the sounds of many footsteps echoing down the blanched white hall. When I look up Chakwas, Garrus, Liara, Tali, and Joker were walking towards me. Chakwas was freshly clean and the others had solum looks on their faces. Garrus surprised me by being the first to pull up a chair and sitting down next to me. I had been speaking with Joker following the incident on Horizon and knew that Garrus held no love for me after what I had done.

He giving me a reassuring pat on the back whispered, "It'll be alright."

_How can it be alright? Lexi is possibly going to die on me again and this time I couldn't help her even if I had wanted to._

As if Joker could here my inner thoughts, he decides to pipe up and break the deafening silence of the medical wing, `

"Look Alenko, we all know about your thing with Shepard so just get over yourself and let it all out. You know it, I know it, we all know that if anyone can pull through this thing it's Shepard. She`s been dead once and not even that could stop her, taking a collector shotgun round to the gut is a walk in the park for her. "

As he spoke, I took a good look at him for once and I could see every emotion he was feeling, not just the typical sarcasm that usually drips from Joker. I could see in his eyes the same fear, guilt, and pain that I felt.

Besides Chakwas, Garrus, and Tail, Joker was the only person she could really trust on that ship. Hell having Joker as our best friend was something we had always had in common from the first day we met. After realizing this, I did something never thought I would do again after Shepard died. I stood up, walked over to Joker and gave him the biggest hug I could manage without breaking his brittle bones. Even more to my surprise, Joker returned the hug.

As we pulled out of the hug, I whispered to him,

"Thanks Joker. I really needed that. "


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

After our little heart to heart, I went back to my chair and Joker found one on the other side of Garrus and we hunkered down for the long wait ahead.

The next hours were scrambled between nervous silence, the tapping of a foot or hand, or one of us pacing the hall unable to sit and wait any longer.

After about 5 hours the Doctor and Miranda came through the doors with extremely tired yet satisfied looks on their faces.

The doctor spoke to us,

"Shepard is stable and recovering well. We did have some problems with the sedative so she will most likely wake up in about an hour." We could hear Miranda chuckle behind the Doctor. "You are able to go in and wait for her to wake but I recommend not being too loud or even just going in one at a time, there was some damage to her ear drums that we didn't get to but nothing some quiet time won't fix." With that the Doctor turned on his heel and left us to ourselves.

Miranda turns and waves her had for us t follow her. Slowly we all shuffle into Shepard's room. It was similar to the rest of the hospital. White and sterile. The only real color in the room was Shepard's mid back length red hair draped over the pillow and the minimal tan skin underneath the blankets tucked snugly under her armpits.

The hospital gown washed her out even more than she was already. As I looked her over, I notice that she no longer had any glowing cybernetics. This puzzled me as her face was covered with them when we were reunited on Horizon. I approach the bed and reach out to stroke my fingers down her cheek.

Chakwas noticed my puzzled look and took the liberty to give me an answer,

"Her cybernetics allow her heal incredibly fast. Now she rivals Wrex or any brogan for that matter. Most of the time she uses very little medi-gel if any at all. She was self conscious of her scars and how people with view her so she had a machine installed in the med-bay to help reduce the appearance of the cybernetics. As long as she stays healthy they shouldn't return."

This made me chuckle and grimace at the same time as it reminded me that she was rebuilt from the ground up by Cerberus. I went and grabbed a chair from the hall. No one challenged me as I pulled the chair right up next to the head of the bed and lowered the bar that kept her from 'rolling out'. I sat down and took her hand in mine, it felt so right.

I leaned my head down and let out a sigh of relief that she was alive. I could now tell her everything, how much I have missed her, how much I have been longing to see her and hear her voice. How much I love her. I felt a hand lightly land on my shoulder. I look up and Liara is looking back at me with eyes that held the utmost empathy.

"She'll be alright Kaidan. She is tough and she has you, me and the others by her side. She will never be alone again, I promise."

With one hand still clutching Shepard's, I turn around and give a small looking at everyone pilled in the small room. She was right, Shepard had friends from almost every species and most of them were in this room right now, save for a select few. Shepard would never be alone, not if I could help it.

"Thanks Liara, you have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that," My voice cracking slightly.

"We are all going to grab a room at the hotel down the street. Do you want us to get you a room?"

"No," I shake my head and turn back to looking at Shepard, "I want to stay here with Shepard. I have spent enough time away from her and I want to be here when she wakes up."

"Okay Kaidan, just be sure to call us if she wakes up or if you need anything." She gives me a small smile and a nod.

"I will", I reply, "Really, Thank you for everything.".

As she turns to follow the others from the room she gives a wave and smiles a little wider.

The time passes slowly and all I can do is sit and watch Shepard sleep. She looks so peaceful, something I had not seen in a long time. She usually would wake up from nightmares from the beacon or from Mindor .

I don't remember falling asleep but the next thing I know I feel movement underneath my hand. I lift my head from the bed and look into a pair of bright green eyes_. Oh Lexi how I have missed those eyes_. We smile shyly at each other and she look down to where I have my hand intertwined with hers.

"Ummmm… Kaidan, can I have my hand back?" her voice ruff from the sedation and sleep.

I had forgotten that I still had her hand in mine and quickly release it feeling my cheeks burn.

"You're so cute when you blush," she laughed but then clutched her side with a sharp intake of breath.

I jumped up from my chair to make sure she was okay. "Shepard you should take it easy. You have had a rough few days."

A soft smile played on her lips "I'm fine Kaidan." Suddenly a puzzled look crossed her face and she looked around the room, "Where is everyone else, where the hell am I, and what are you doing here?"

I sighed and sat back down. "Well, to start Garrus, Liara, Miranda, Joker, Chakwas and Tali grabbed a hotel nearby and I umm decided to….. stay here with you." I look down at my fidgeting hands and rubbed the back of my neck, the shy awkwardness that I thought I had gotten rid of returning.

"That still doesn't answer my question Kaidan. Why are **YOU** still here? You made it very clear on Horizon and in your message that you have moved on." She said with a pang of distain in her voice and she looked away from me.

I take a few seconds to gather myself and take a deep breath preparing to tell her what I have been wanting to for months.

I lean forward and take her hand in mine. Thankfully she willing let me have it even though she was looking away from me.

"Shepard….. Lexi." Sigh. "I love you. I always have, ever since you pushed me away from the beacon on Eden Prime, maybe not to the extent that I do now but..."

Surprise crossed her face and she turned back to face me. I didn't give her the chance to say anything, I just had to get it all out on the table.

"When you went down with the Normandy, part of me died too; I haven't been the same since. When I saw you on Horizon all I could think that you were alive and that you had come back to me, but then I saw you were with Cerberus. I just got so angry that you would choose them over me."

Anger flashed across her face and she tried to interject, "Whoa Kaidan, Who the hell…."

"Lexi please let me finish." She paused and looked me over then gave me a slow nod.

"After Horizon I realized that I let my emotions cloud my judgement, just like you said. I sat at my terminal for days trying to think of a way to apologize for being a complete and total ass to you when really, you have done nothing wrong but do what no one else would. Finally I just hit send and hoped that you would get the message and maybe, just maybe that you could forgive me."

I lean down and kiss her hand that is now clutching mine.

"When I got that reply saying that you were going through the Omega 4 relay, I thought that I would never see you again and it was like losing you all over again."

I closed my eyes and took a deep steadying breath.

"Thinking I could lose you again tore me apart. I will never leave you again. I don't care if you're still with Cerberus. I will follow you till the end of the galaxy and back. I want to see your smiling face in the morning and kiss you every night before bed. The Council and the Alliance can go fuck themselves because I love you more than life itself."

She reached her other hand to my face and cupped my cheek wincing slightly from moving the wound on her stomach, I looked up into those bright green eyes and saw the gleam of unshed tears.

A big smile spread across her face and she says, "Kaidan Alenko, you are the stupidest, hard headed, most loving, caring, handsome man a girl could ever ask for. I would rather die a thousand times than not have you by my side."

She then gingerly moved over on her bed and patted the area beside her. I sat down beside her and she leaned her head on my shoulder. I turned and planted a soft kiss on the top of her head. It was like a puzzle piece had finally fallen into place at that moment and nothing could ruin it.

we both had closed our eyes and signed in contentment.

"Ahem….. Commanders, you now have company." A husky voice chuckled from the doorway.

We hastily pull apart and I get off the bed, we are both blushing severely but still smiling glad that it was Anderson that chose to come in the room at that moment and not Hackett.

"Anderson, glad to see you're not in the slammer yet for associating with a terrorist." Shepard chuckled lightly.

He laughed out loud and walked over to stand next to me at her bed side.

"All the information you had Liara forward to us has been cleared and any doubts that the rest of the Council had is now gone. Shepard we will have to discuss in further detail the Lazarus Project. There are many things that could advance our understanding of the medical treatments to which you may need."

"I'll have to talk to Miranda first; she was the head for the whole thing. She has all the files you'll need. I would also, like to discuss my staying with Cerberus for the time being."

My head snapped towards her, "Wait what?"

She turned toward me with a sad look in her eyes.

"I have some unfinished business with them that cannot be put off and I refuse to let them use it against me longer."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After a few days Shepard was released from the hospital and cleared for light duty. _I guess Chakwas wasn't kidding when she said Shepard healed fast._ Anderson called me to his office. Shepard was there with the tall brunette that was on Horizon and at the hospital, Miranda. Shepard was in civy's which was a rare sight. She looked somewhat relaxed speaking to Anderson in her black t-shirt and dark blue jeans. I didn't even know Shepard owned clothes outside her military issued gear.

Shepard was leaning casually against the desk, she smiled at me as I came in and stood next to Anderson. Miranda was setting up her Omni tool for a presentation of some sort. I could only assume it was for the infamous Lazarus Project which brought Lexi back from the dead.

Miranda turned to face Anderson and I and spoke very formally,

"Counsellor, Commander Alenko, what you are about to see and hear must never leave this room. You may have some of the medical files from Lazarus in order to further medical technology but that is as far as it goes. All things involving Shepard's condition during Lazarus must stay hidden for a very specific reason which I'm sure Shepard will share with you both later on." She then turned to Shepard, "Shepard, are all the security cameras disabled and sound proofing in place?"

Shepard nodded, "Yes Miranda. I had Tali shut the cameras down and tested the sound proofing to make sure we were secure."

"Excellent, whenever you're ready Shepard we can begin."

Shepard then looked to Anderson and I.

"Kaidan, Anderson, you really should have a seat for this. When I saw it I passed out and ended up in the infirmary for three days." She said with a laugh and then proceeded to bring over three chairs but only she did it in a way I would never have expected, she pulled it with biotics. _When did she get those?_ .She saw the look on my face and laughed,

"I'm an L5 Kaidan. One of the many upgrades Cerberus gave me."

Miranda interjected, "No not really Shepard. We only enhanced what was already there."

Anger flared on Shepard's face, "Not now Miranda."

"Alright but you will have to explain everything after you know," Miranda put her hands up in front of her in a show of submission.

With a stern and icy voice Shepard exclaimed, "Yes, I realize that Miranda but they're not ready for it just yet. When they see everything then we'll drop that bomb, understood?"

"Very well Commander." Miranda sighed.

By this point I'm very confused, "Shepard, I'm not sure I follow?"

She smiled half-heartedly, "Later Kaidan. I promise."

With that Miranda began the presentation. When the first image was brought up I instantly recognized the red and white stripe of the N7 armour that was attached to the charred mass of meat and tubes on the medical slab. _Oh Lexi,_ I thought as my stomach threatened to empty itself. As Miranda progressed through the images, voice clips and videos, the charred mass that we saw earlier started to slowly look human. At one point Miranda stopped the slide show to talk about the idea of biosynthetic fusion and I noticed that the image of Shepard's body looked different. Before I could ask about it Miranda had already moved on. The last image that was shown was just before the attack on the station, which in turn was just before Shepard woke up. She had glowing red scars all along her arms and face; she looked similar to how she did on Horizon.

To finish Miranda spoke,

"That concludes the presentation on Project Lazarus, it took 2 years, the estimated time was only supposed to take a maximum of a year. Overall when Shepard awoke she was only a few weeks from a full recovery. what we did was a miracle even with the best science and technology Money could. What we did with Shepard is truly remarkable "

Miranda then slightly turned to Shepard with a solemn look and motioned for her to step forward.

"I believe this is where Shepard comes in to tell you why she is with Cerberus," then took her seat next to Anderson.

Shepard takes a deep breath and moves to stand where Miranda once did, "Thanks Miranda."

She crossed her arms in almost an insecure gesture which is something I have never seen from Shepard.

"Now the moment you have probably been waiting ," She let out a nervous chuckle, "The reason I'm with Cerberus."

She closed her eyes and took another deep breath. When she opened her eyes they were looking right at me with a sadness that seemed to run bone deep.

"Kaidan you remember how we had been worried about our relationship affecting our work?"

All I could do was gape at her. I couldn't believe she was saying this in front of Anderson. I mean seeing us sitting on the bed together was one thing but out right saying that we were together, if we hadn't been thought of for a court martial before we sure as hell were going to be now.

Seeing my reaction, she lifts her chin in Anderson's direction.

"Don't worry Kaidan, Anderson already knows about us and has for a while."

I look over at Anderson and he smiles and nods at me.

Releasing a breath I didn't even realize I was holding I reply, "Yes, I remember."

"Well, that night before Ilos had more after effects than we could have ever anticipated. I don't stay with Cerberus because I want to. I stay because I'm forced to. They have someone very dear to my heart and she is the reason I have biotics now."

This is making no sense.

"Shepard what are you talking about, a person can't just give you biotics."

Tears started in her eyes and she starts to pace.

"What I'm talking about is that Lazarus took 2 years because it brought back not one but 2 people. One Kaidan, WE didn't know existed."

Then I finally clicked into place. Why Lazarus had taken so long and why Shepard's body looked different in the images.

As the realization took hold , I sink back into my chair."No," was all I could choke out.

"Kaidan, I was pregnant when the Normandy went down. I didn't know at the time, I thought I just had the bug that was going around the ship and I never thought in my wildest dreams that I could be pregnant. Somehow when Cerberus was rebuilding me the baby's DNA that had the Biotic mutation was transferred to me as well."

Shepard turned and nodded to Miranda. Her Omni tool flared to life and an image came on the screen. It was a picture of Shepard smiling still with her scars on her face and a little girl of around 3 years old. She had red hair like Shepard, but she had a dark olive completion and whiskey coloured eyes.

_Like mine. She looks like us, it is so undeniable. That's OUR daughter._

The child's smile seemed to light up the room along with Shepard's in the picture. Across the room I hear a heavy sigh come from Shepard.

My voice hoarse I say, " Lexi, what are they doing to her?"

"I don't know Kaidan. After Horizon was when I found out about her. They let me see her for about a week but that was it. They said that it was to be my motivation for the mission and that if I didn't co-operate that I would never see her again."

Lexi's composer finally broke tears started to stream down her face. I got up, walked over to her and took her in my arms. Never have I ever seen her cry in front of anyone else but me so that gave me a great indication of how much this was affecting her.

"Lexi, you have my word that we will find her, no matter what."

I pulled away for a moment and put a hand on her cheek. She nuzzled into it then looked at me. Her bright green eyes were red rimmed and glistened with unshed tears but were full of determination.

"Together."

I took her into another tight embrace and I whispered in her ear, "I love you Lexi, we will find her if it kills me."

She hugged me tighter and nestled under my chin. We stood this way for a few minutes until a noise behind us made us remember where we were. We started to separate but not all the way. I still kept my arm around her lower back pulling her close and her head rested in the crock of my shoulder.

Anderson took this moment and spoke for the first time that evening,

"Well this is quite a different turn of events. I suppose that you two wish to go after the child?"

We look at each other and then back to Anderson and nod.

"Her name is Ashlen Shepard. They gave her my last name because at time they didn't know you were the father. I thought the name was perfect. What do you think Kaidan?" she smiled at me.

I couldn't help but smile back. _Ash_.

"The name is perfect. The only question I have now is how exactly do we find her?"

Since Shepard had started talking, Miranda had been quiet. Now she stood and came over to stand between myself and Anderson.

"I may be able to help in that department." she stated with a smile.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

After Miranda stated that she may be able to assist, we determined that a break was our way out of the conference room I pulled Shepard aside.

"Lexi, what are we going to do now?" a simple question that was asking so much.

Her sad determined eyes looked up to meet mine,

"I don't know Kaidan. Miranda will give me the last known coordinates of Ashlen's location and I'll start from there. I swear though if the Illusive Man has hurt her he will see a whole new side of me he has never seen."

"Lexi, I'm coming with you."

"Kaidan, I don't know about that."

Taking her hands in mine, I look into her beautiful green eyes. "Lexi, I don't care about how your crew will react to me or how dangerous this mission will be. I meant it when I said that I would never leave you again and besides," I smile that lop-sided smile I know she loves, "Ashlen is as much a part of me as she is you. It was something that I never expected but I really like the idea of us having a kid. I mean I thought about it before the Normandy went down; us together with a family. Don't tell me you never thought about it Lexi?"

She sighed but smiled,

"Before the Normandy went down and we were together ….it was actually on my mind all the time. I knew I wasn't ready for it just yet but I knew I wanted it; a family I mean. Most of all I wanted it to be with you."

She pulled away from me , rapped her arms around herself and turned to look out at the expansive view of the citadel arms . "You know Kaidan, I never thought that we would be in this situation but we are, so what do we do about …..Us?"

I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, just under her arms. Then rested my head by her ear and whispered,

"I love you; I know that for a fact. I also know that I never want to live my life without you." I release Shepard and flip her around so that she is still in my arms but facing me. "Let's take this one step at a time and see where it leads. After we get Ashlen we can think about it then."

I take a deep breath and say what I've been meaning to say since Horizon, "I've made some huge mistakes that I'm not proud of, they hurt you and many others around me. When you died, a part of me died along with you and I didn't know how to handle that.I lashed out at whatever I could find until Anderson gave me a purpose again. Then seeing you on Horizon just when I thought I had moved on, pulled all of those feeling back to the surface."

I put my hand under her chin and make her look up at me, "From here on out I fully intend to make it all up to you, no matter how long it takes. I love you Lexi and that is something I never want you to forget."

Her face was unresponsive for a few seconds then turned into the smile that I loved so much with tears once again blossoming at the corners of her eyes.

"Kaidan, you know I love you. After everything that has happened between us I think we should take it slow. We need to learn who we have become in our time apart. The things that we have had to deal with, have had to see; It changes you."

She pulls out of my embrace and wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my face close enough to hers that I could feel her breath on my lips. I put my hands on her hips and pulled to close the distance left between her lips and mine.

It was like an explosion of heat and fireworks between us, a slight moan escaped her lips and she pressed hard against me.

I reluctantly break the kiss and place my forehead against hers. We are both breathing heavy and I cant help but smile.

"Lexi , if you keep this up we will not be taking it as slow as I would like."

She laughed, "Alright, I'm sorry. Let's get back to the Normandy, Ashlen has been without her parents for far too long."

"Aye Aye, Commander," I smiled back.

When we boarded the Normandy SR2 it was all so similar and yet so different.

I heard a familiar laugh come from the left and the next thing I know Joker came limping from the bridge with out any crutches.

"Well, well the love birds finally kissed and made up." He said with that shit eating grin on his face.

Though I still haven't completely forgiven him for what happened on the original Normandy, I was happy to see him none the less. He was one of my best friends and I had missed our sarcastic banter on the bridge.

"Joker, what would we do without your snide remarks in our lives."

He smiled, " Well for one, they would be very dull and lifeless and two I wouldn't be Joker, simple as that."

I laughed, "That is very true Joker and if you weren't you than you wouldn't be the best damn pilot in the alliance fleet."

He chuckled and gave a smug smile, "It's good to have you back Alenko."

He turned and left, walking back up to his seat on the bridge. After Horizon and the letter that I had sent Shepard, Joker took it upon himself to tell me just how much of an ass I had made of myself and how it had affected Shepard.

After that I had lost all my hate for him. I could see that he was truly concerned for her and that he was there for her while I was not. We had a long talk about everything and cleared the air which lifted a great deal off my shoulders.

I turn to the right and see Tali and Garrus walking up to the bridge. Tali spots Shepard and runs to give her a hug.

"Shepard, I'm so glad you're alright. You had us all scared for a little while."

"Sorry Tali, but you know me." A grin spread across Shepard's face, "Can't take me anywhere without everything blowing up and me getting shot."

I couldn't help but chuckle because it was so true. Tali and Garrus laughed too.

Garrus chose now to speak up after crossing his arms and giving me a side eye.

"So what are you doing here Kaidan. I thought you were against working with ex-Cerberus operatives."

I should have known this was going to come up sooner or later. I take Shepard's hand and look Garrus Square in the eyes, " Garrus, I know I have not been the most understanding person in this galaxy, but I have realized that I was horribly wrong and I will be making up for it for the rest of my life. Right now Shepard needs me for this mission and I fully intend to be there for her when she needs me to be. I won't miss any more time than I already have.

The cockpit area was silent and tense for a few minutes but Garrus started to flick his mandibles in a way that I would interpret as smiling and pulled me into an embrace, " Damn right you will Alenko or you will have to deal first with Shepard and then with me."

He release me and clapped me on the shoulder, "It's good to have you back Kaidan." With that he turned and left.

Shepard sighed and turned to Tali and I, " Well I was not expecting that."

"Neither was I Shepard, well I best get back to Engineering. Donnelly is probably doing something to my engines. I'll see you both later."

She pulled me into a quick hug. " It really is good to have you back Kaidan, you have no idea how much you were missed." With that last comment Tali turned and winked at Shepard then walked away in the same direction as Garrus.

Shepard shook her head and looked at me with a slight pink tint to her cheeks, "Well let's get you to your new quarters for this mission okay. The Asari Justicar that I had on my team has already left so I will put you in the Observation room. It has a couch that is large enough to be a bed. I have slept on it quite a few times and it is very comfortable."

We started walking through the CIC. This ship was so close to the original design it was scary. The amount of new tech was astounding and i was hoping that Shepard might let me take a look around at some point during this mission.

She led me to the elevator and she hit the button for the second floor. The ride was short and silent. She then led me off the elevator and to the left. The room was spacious and it had a picture window that took up almost the whole wall.

"This is great Shepard. Thank you."

She smiled, "Well if you need anything just let me know. My room is on the top floor and I still have an open door policy."

I was about to say something but a voice cut me off,

"Shepard, it seems that Miss Lawson is greatly distressed after a call she received in her quarters approximately 20 minutes ago. I strongly recommend you investigate."

Shepard looked up towards a camera, "Thank you EDI I will be right there."

"Who was that? She sounded slightly like a VI." I asked with wonder.

"That is because EDI is the ships AI." Shepard shrugged her shoulders and turned to leave.

"Wait, you have an AI running the ship? ," disbelief and shock evident on my face.

"No she is the ship. She was the reason we survived the Omega 4 relay. Without EDI every single one of us would have been dead long before the relay in fact. I'll talk to you later okay, I have to go deal with Miranda before things get out of control," She waved behind her as she walked out the door.

After the door had cycled shut behind her and I sat on the couch looking out at the stars the full force of the situation really hit me. _ Oh my god, Shepard and I have a daughter. A DAUGHTER! How did that happen, well I know how it happened but still. Just the thought of having a family with Lexi, a dream that I had believed died with her 2 years ago, yet here we are going to rescue OUR DAUGHTER from the Cerberus clutches._

With that thought I got up from the couch and walked out the door to the mess hall to see if I could grab something to eat, an ache in my stomach told meI hadn`t eaten in a while. When I walked into the mess I saw someone standing behind the kitchen area. I walked up and he looked up from chopping veggies.

"You must be Alenko. Shepard told me to prep you somethin' big cuz' you're a biotic so I hope you're hungry."

I was taken aback by his directness as I had no idea who he was. I must have looked surprised as he then proceeded to introduce himself,

"Rupert Gardner," he stuck out his hand and I shook it.

"Kaidan Alenko, Are you the resident chef on the Normandy or something?"

"Ha or something is right. I am a jack of all trades on this puppy. I am the chef, the janitor, the electrician. You name it I have done it on the Normandy."

My eyebrows raised in surprise then looked at the hands that were making my food and couldn't help but wonder if they were washed thoroughly. Just as I was about to make a joke about the clean hands there was an enormous crash from the room next to the kitchen that resounded through the ship, then my amp started to tingle which meant that someone had discharged a large amount of biotic energy. I looked at Gardener and he shrugged,

"Looks like Miranda isn't taking something well or Shepard is pissed."

I felt my eyes get huge and I didn't even wait for Gardener to finish what he was saying, I rushed past him and to the door from which the noise had emanated from. It had a red glowing holo pad which meant that it was locked. I hacked it easily and slowly stepped inside the room.

It was dark but I could vaguely make out a desk, chairs and a few pieces of art work. The chairs and various other items had been turned over or thrown in varying places all over room. Vast amounts of data pads either broken or cracked on the floor. I looked farther into the dark room and saw to figures sitting on the bed seeming to be holding each other. After listening closely I could hear the faint sounds of crying and surprisingly, humming.

The door cycled shut behind me and I was left in almost complete darkness other than the light coming from the window on the left side of the room; it gave the room and ominous light blue glow as we were now in FTL drive. As my eyes adjusted and I got closer to the bed I saw something truly amazing. Shepard was sitting on the bed humming a soft tune that I recognized as the one that her father used to sing to her and her mother back on Mindoir. Miranda was enclosed in a tight hug and rocking back and forth. Miranda was holding on to Shepard like a life line and crying into her shoulder, she seemed oblivious to my presence. Shepard looked up at me with tears in her eyes but kept humming and holding Miranda. I couldn't help but think that Shepard would truly make a good mother whether she thought so or not; I could easily picture her doing this with Ashlen if she were to ever having a nightmare or later on in life if she was having problems. Sometimes it's best to just let everything out and not hold it in any longer. Seeing Miranda this way was a shock for me. Joker and Garrus had told me that she is the Ice Queen that shows no emotion towards anyone other than Shepard. The conversation was a welcome distraction during Shepards recent stay in the infirmary, Unbeknownst to the others apparently they had become quite close. I guess Miranda is just as much human as the rest of us even with her genetic modifications for perfection. After a few seconds I feel as though I am intruding so I turn around to leave, but am stopped by a shaky voice,

"Don't leave on my account Alenko," Miranda sits up and pulls away from Shepard wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I have some news for you regarding Ashlen although it may not all be good news it is news none the less."

I turn to her and nod then look to Shepard.

"Miranda, you know you don't have to help us. "Shepard explains, "He has you in a vice, you don't have to make it worse for yourself and for Oriana."

I can't help but frown and a pit formed in my gut, "Miranda is everything alright? Has the Illusive Man done something?"

She sighed, "It's a long story but in short Cerberus protects my sister from my father. The Illusive Man found out that I was going to help you and he has now taken it upon himself to hold my sister hostage until I resign from helping you and return to him."

"Miranda, I agree with Shepard. If you helping us puts your sister at risk than maybe it's not worth it."

She ran a hand through her dark hair, " Look I know you are both just trying to be understanding but listen to me when I say that I will never go back to that bastard. After being with Shepard and having her open my eyes to what the Illusive Man and Cerberus were really like, I want nothing to do with them." Miranda got up off the bed and walked over to the window and looked out into the dark void that was space, " I will help you get back what he took from you and I will get back what he took from me, end of discussion."

She walked over to her terminal on the desk, the only area that was still intact, and began typing. When she finished tying and turned around, both mine and Shepard's Omni tools lit up telling us that we had unread messages.

"Those are the last known coordinates of the Illusive Man."

Before Shepard and I can say anything EDI's voice comes over the comm, "Commander, the Illusive Man would like to speak with you in the debriefing room."

All three of us stiffened and an uncomfortable silence settled over us a a moment before Shepard answered, "Thanks EDI, I'll be right there".


	6. Chapter 6

Hey Guys, so sorry for the lack of posting. Been a crazy couple of weeks in my personal life but eveything should be getting back on track. XOXOX

Chapter 6

Shepard entered the debriefing room first. The table lowered itself to the floor and an orange holo netting came up from the floor; Shepard stepped into it with a cold look upon her face .

"I thought I told you to go fuck yourself. How dare you threaten my crew and so help me if you hurt her I will unleash…."

"Calm down Shepard. Oriana is safe for now and I only did it to insure that our deal stays intact. I know Alenko is watching, why doesn't he join us Shepard."

She turned around begrudgingly and beckoned me to join her in the conversation.

"Illusive man" I come up behind Shepard and put my hand protectively on her lower back. "So we finally meet."

"Yes, we do Alenko; I assume you have learned the truth of Shepard's resurrection."

The Illusive Man is sitting in his Chair, cigarette in hand. He takes a long drag and looks at me with snide smile and a cocky confidence, " Do not try to cross me Alenko, it will only end badly for you."

Shepard tensed next to me and pushed forward. "Who the fuck gave you permission to threaten him? Did you forget who the deal was made with?"

The Illusive Man looked to Shepard and smiled. "No I have not Shepard, but you seem to forget what will happen if our deal is broken."

Instantly her face paled and she backed down, "Fine, but I want to see her. Now!"

With that the Illusive Man stood up form his seat, turned and waved his hand to someone we could not see. In the distance the opening and closing of a door was heard and Lexi tensed beside me. Slowly a little girl wearing a white dress, little black shoes, and Auburn her long auburn hair in pigtails walked up to stand beside the Illusive Man, a smile spread across the girls face when she realized who she was looking at and a matching one spread across Lexi's.

"Mommy!" the little girl cried out in excitement and her whole body looked as if it was vibrating.

Lexi smiled even wider, "Hi Sweetheart, are you being a good girl for the Illusive Man?"

"Yes, Mommy; I'm being good just like you asked me to." She answered with great pride.

"That's my girl. Ashlen, there is someone here who has been waiting to see you." Lexi looked up at me and I nodded. "Sweetheart, do you know who is standing next to me?" she asked in a tone as if she were telling Ashlen a secret that only they could know. Ashlen looked at me then smiled and squealed a little.

"Silly Mommy; that's Daddy!" Ashlen jumped with joy and laughed.

Suddenly the great pressure built in my chest, an indescribable ache to hold her so tight and never let her go. This little girl was mine and all I could feel was complete and utter joy that she knew who I was. I looked at Lexi and smiled, "How did she know it was me?" I whispered in her ear.

Shepard grinned at me and whispered,

"I gave her the picture of us during the citadel clean up, the one where we were sitting on the bench taking a break; you're reading something off your omni-tool and I'm asleep on your shoulder. I always loved that picture. She asked who was in the picture with me and I told her about you and who you were. After that from what I understand she sleeps with the picture and refuses to let anyone else touch it."

Before I could speak, Ashlen questioned,

"Mommy, when do I get to see you again, I miss you." Ashlen spoke as if she was about to cry.

"Oh Ashlen, you will see Mommy and Daddy very soon okay. I promise." Lexi blew Ashlen a kiss, "We love you very much sweetheart."

As Shepard spoke to Ashlen, I noticed one of the Illusive Man's assistants come into view. They took Ashlen's hand and lead her away. Before she was out the door she turned and yelled , "Make sure she keeps that promise Daddy."

I smiled and called back, "I will sweetheart, don't worry."

She smiled as the door closed behind her. Lexi looked up at me then turned to the Illusive Man.

"Shepard, are you satisfied that she is well taken care of?"

"Yes but that was never my concern in the first place," her voice was laced with a coldness that I had never heard from her.

Taking a drag from this cigarette and leaning forward, he looked Shepard in the eye, "Just remember Shepard, I'm always watching."

The connection was cut and that left Lexi and I alone.

After a brief pause, I cant help but ask, "Lex, what exactly is the deal you made?"

She shifted he weight from one foot to another then spoke without looking at me, " I made a deal to ensure that you and Ashley stayed safe."

This caught me off guard, "Me, why me?"

She turned to me then, " Because Kaidan, I love you and if anything were to happen to you because of being associated with me, I would be devastated. Initially the deal only included Ashlen, but when they found out you were her Father." she paused as if she was unsure if she wanted to tell this part.

" Sigh. They've had an assassin trailing you since Horizon to ensure that I do as the Illusive man orders but if I cross him then he will give the kill order. Also he will kill Ashlen if necessary to get his point across.," she cringed at the thought.

This knowledge left an uneasy felling in the pit of my stomach. How had I not noticed that some one was trailing me this whole time. Then a thought occurred to me.

"Lex, I can take care of myself you know, but I have to ask, if I'm here with you where is this supposed assassin?"

Her browed creased in a frown, "I have had Thane keeping an eye on the comings and goings of people around the docking bay of the Normandy, the hospital, and your apartment since we have been on the citadel, but nothing has turned up as of yet. Still I will make sure no one can get near you Kaidan. You and Ashlen mean the world to me, you need to understand that. I will do anything and everything to make sure that you two stay safe."

I pull her into a tight hug, burying my face in the crown of her head.

"Lex we're in this together now and I don't plan on leaving anytime soon okay."

Releasing her from the hug but keeping my hands on her upper arms, I ask a question that has been on mind since I found out about our daughter,

So what would happen if we go after Ashlen?"

She took a deep breath and looked up at me, "The Illusive Man warned that if I come after Ashlen, he'll let the assassin come after you. So I have stayed my distance until now."

Placing her hands on my chest and then bunching them into fists, " I want her back Kaidan! She belongs with us, not him." Tears were starting to form at the edges of her eyes.

I smile because for once I knew something that she did not. Leaning forward I whisper in her ear, "Lex ,I had EDI track the coordinates from the Illusive Mans transmission. She got a lock on his location."

Shock spread across her face, "Really? He wasn't alerted to the fact the someone was trying to locate him?" her eyebrows raising in surprise.

"All preliminary data suggests that The Illusive man was not aware of our trace." EDI's blue bubble popped up. "The Illusive Man has quite advanced scrambling software to prevent his transmissions from being traced. Under normal circumstances tracing his location would not be possible but when you unshackled me Shepard it unlocked a host of technology I had only minor access to. In short, the Illusive man will not be expecting to be hacked by his own technology.

"Thank you EDI. Kaidan how did you think of that, it's genius." She stretched on her tip toes and gave me a quick kiss.

I laughed, "Thanks, I do use my brain over my omni-tool sometimes"

"haha that is a very good thing. EDI send the coordinates to Joker and plot a coarse."

"Already done Commander."


	7. update

Hey Guys,

Sorry for the lack of updates for this story. I haven't forgotten about you I promise ;)

I have just had a lot going on in my personal life as of late.

Most recently my fiance and I found out were having a baby so that has taken up all my time and thoughts.

Once things calm down a bit I will get back to updating this storey as per its previous schedule.

Thanks everyone :)


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